Saturday, August 30, 2008

RECIPE: Martian banana sweet sandwich.

WARNING: This recipe contains scenes of violence. Reading discretion is advised.

Instructions must be followed to the letter else you will spoil the taste and compromise the energetic integrity of the final product.


- one healthy banana, peeled
- two slices of toast
- pumpkin seeds, unsalted
- sunflower seeds, unsalted
- honey or some kind of jam
- peanut butter (optional)

If you wish, coat the surface of one of the pieces of toast with peanut butter. If you are allergic to peanut butter? Well, don't!

Find a smooth surface, be it a table, chair, or the floor will do as well.

Place a clean kitchen towel on the the flat surface, carefully smooth it out. With the index finger carefully trace the outline of the cloth in a clockwise direction three times in order to purify the cloth of all malignant energies and vibrations.

Surreptitiously place the peeled banana in the exact center of the cloth with one end pointing North and the other somewhat South. This aligns the banana's electromagnetic energy with that of the Earth, at least locally. If you do not know which direction is North then obtain a compass and figure it out, idiot.

Now carefully fold the cloth so that it covers the banana. On tiptoe (you don't want the banana to suspect what is about to happen) go to the cupboard and carefully take out the wooden dough kneader, the kind you use to beat your husband with.

Pound that banana with the kneader in a frenzy. But do not get angry. Anger will impart angry energies and vibes to the banana. Now pretend you are kneading dough and carefully and with great intent and concentration smooth out the mess so that the banana (still inside the cloth) is 1/4 inch flat. The banana has now experienced a rebirthing.

Carefully open the cloth and using a spatula carefully separate the banana from the cloth.

With great intent place the beaten banana on one slice of the toasted bread. Then place a gob of honey in the center of the banana (or use your favorite jam). Use your mathematical skills to determine the exact center of the banana. But if you are mathematically inept, then just guesstimate. Now smooth out the substance over the surface of the banana.

If the flattened banana exceeds the perimeter of the toast carefully fold the edges over so that the banana is within the perimeter of the said toast.

Sprinkle a generous amount of sunflower seeds and pumpkin seeds on the sticky mess. If flax seeds are available then feel quite free to add those as well.

Cover the entire affair with the other piece of toast and press gently down on the center and the corners of the toast.

Now obtain a chopping knife (butcher knife will do nicely) and with great speed and virile strength chop that sandwich diagonally in two.

Now with your index finger repeat the above cleansing procedure to purify the sandwich of all angry energy and vibes, just in case. After all, all that pounding and chopping usually comes with some pent up anger released. You don't want to re-injest all of that, do you?

Carefully sit down on the floor and attempt to get into a full lotus position. Pretend if you can't. Pick up one half of the sandwich with only the index fingers and thumbs and gently insert into your mouth. Proceed to chew 32 times and then swallow. Repeat this procedure until satiated. Ensure you breath deeply inbetween bites in order to improve your digestion.

Expectorate if desired.

You may pass on this recipe to everyone world-wide.

Author: johnski, also known as js and micronuts and kookoo. Oh and radiantjs.

DISCLAIMER: Results may vary depending upon the amount of beating that the banana has taken. As well, I do not take any responsibility for any damages that may occur as a result of following this recipe.


Lydia said...

Did you find this recipe during one of your dreams? Making me laugh.

Can only imagine this going through your mind as you type it out.... And you didn't even add any vodka to the recipe!

Some people I know love to have peanut butter and sliced banana sandwiches. Hmmmm might be better than your? Less labor intense for sure.

Love ya and your sense of humor/silliness! Thanks for the laugh. :)

js said...

I found it during cycling on my bike, going to get them fake hotdogs I talked about in my last recipe.

Thanks for the post and I did forget the peanut butter!